Fade

Listen to this reflection by playing the video below or continue down the page to read the full text version.

It has been exactly one month since Amy passed away and I have had my moments. A light-hearted moment of laughter can turn into tears of sorrow in an instant. It is amazing how quickly your emotions can turn from one to another.

Walking continues to clear my head and emotions as I take in the morning sun or a flock of sand cranes flying overhead. It also brings back those precious gems of memories and moments with Amy.

Today, for some reason I was thinking of the passing of Amy’s grandmother, more affectionately referred to as Busia by her family (slang for grandmother in Polish). We were headed to the north shore of Lake Superior for a long weekend of camping at Gooseberry Falls State Park, a hidden gem to everyone not from Minnesota. From Milwaukee, it is a bit of a drive, especially when you don’t start until the afternoon. Our plan was to stop at a private campground just outside of Superior and then tackle the rest of the drive the following morning and be there in plenty of time for a full weekend at the park.

As we neared our destination, Amy got a call from her father telling her the sad news of Busia’s passing. We were encouraged to continue on our journey as he and his sister made the arrangements for her burial mass and visitation the next week.

That night after we put the kids to bed, there was no moon. We let the campfire burn down to coals as she talked and shared stories of her childhood with Busia. As the light faded, the dark sky lit up with the Milky Way on a moonless night in the northern woods of Wisconsin. The stars were so thick it seemed like there was a layer of fog in the sky. We laid on the picnic table silently together just staring up at the sky watching the Perseus meteor shower against the backdrop of the Milky Way and holding hands.

Later that year as the holidays approached, Amy, her sister Mary, and our good friend Peg came up with an idea to bring a little joy to Busia’s extended care facility where she had lived the last months of her life. The three of them arranged to purchase a couple flats of mini poinsettias, got the first names of the residents on her old floor, and had the families decorate gift tags for each resident. We then loaded up the car and delivered them one evening to spread some holiday cheer.

As I finished my morning walk thinking about these memories, I realize I don’t want to ever let go of the essence of Amy. Her spirit remains an inspiration to everyone that knew her. Amy, I’ll be thinking of you all my days. I’m not going to let you fade.