Joy & Hope

Listen to this reflection by playing the video below or continue down the page to read the full text version.

As I sit down to write this final reflection for My Joy Journey with Amy, I have very mixed emotions. I know with certainty that my grief journey has not ended. As I have reiterated multiple times throughout my writings, loss is a profound life-changing event that has no end. There will be no congratulations from family and friends that I have somehow made it through the worst of my grief. In many ways, I suspect that I am still at the beginning of this journey.

But I also know with certainty that Amy would never want me to be so immersed in grief that I ignore the daily opportunities to choose joy in my life and to spread joy to others. You may have sensed an inflection point in my writings where I have begun looking forward more than recounting my wonderful memories of my life with Amy. I have so many more stories of our lives together, but I know she would be starting to get annoyed with me at all the mushy expressions of my love for her contained in my writings. She was a very private person, and although she certainly would have cut me some slack, I have heard her whispering in my ear to transition to something less focused on her.

Many of the details of how we met and began our courtship are contained in other portions of this book. But our love story truly began in Colorado. On the first weekend we met, we were afforded a day off from our training at Junior Achievement. A group of us chose to use the day to whitewater raft down the Arkansas River and the Royal Gorge. We were both financially strapped at the time, but neither of us could pass up the opportunity for this once in a lifetime experience.

After Amy passed, I envisioned a trip back to the Arkansas River with Claire, Morgan, and Carson to share with them this most wonderful memory of where our love first took root. I invited other members of our family and was surprised when everyone accepted my invitation. Altogether, fourteen members of our family made the journey to Canon City, Colorado, for a three-day, two-night camping excursion down seventy miles of the Arkansas River.

Yes, we had some bittersweet moments where we were missing our loved ones. Tears flowed and hugs were shared. But I also believe it was the experience of a lifetime. What better way to honor Amy and our other lost loved ones than to choose joy by experiencing the scenic wonder of the Royal Gorge.

As the time for this adventure neared, I felt more and more convinced that it was the right time to conclude My Joy Journey with Amy. I contemplated this final chapter and continued to wrestle with the question what’s next? Writing and hiking have been my therapy. I could not see myself giving up on either. So, I began to formulate a plan to transition to a new initiative, My Joy Journey of Hope.

Like Amy’s focus on joy, I have always been captivated by the concept and stories of hope. That includes my all-time favorite movie Shawshank Redemption. I share Andy Dufresne’s view of hope: “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

Hope is essential in our darkest hours. It helps us find resilience to overcome loss, adversity, or pessimism and to strive for something better. Thus, My Joy Journey of Hope felt like the perfect fit.

At this point I do not know what I will be writing about. Probably more of the same, but with more emphasis on looking forward than looking back. Amy is, and will always be, the love of my life, but I have felt her urging me forward the past few months.

Like everyone, I have no idea what the future holds. But instead of being immersed in my grief each day, I want to wake up with the morning sun shining on my face with a daily mission to find joy and hope.

It has given me great comfort to share my thoughts and emotions with all of you over the past two years. Words cannot express my gratitude for your willingness to make this journey with me. I am hopeful many of you will also choose to follow my new blog My Joy Journey of Hope.

Cheers.