There is no manual for how to handle a cancer diagnosis or the journey through treatments. Neither for the grief many families experience when the outcome results in the loss of a loved one. Loss is a profound, life changing event that has no end. I will not pretend to have any tidy answers for you on how to overcome grief or to provide a process for you to follow in your own grief journeys. I simply do not have one, even for myself.
This blog is about MY joy journey with the love of my life, Amy. You probably are curious about the use of the word JOY in describing this journey. Certainly, cancer is not a joyful event, but the word Joy had special meaning and significance to Amy and because of her example, to many others. After her cancer diagnosis, Amy expressed very adamantly that she wanted to somehow find Joy in our cancer journey as well. If you become a reader or listener of this Blog/Vlog, I think you will come to understand the Joy Amy sought. I will be recalling the many wonderful joyful memories of my life with Amy as well as chronicling my own challenges and struggles through grief to healing.
I do not want to rehash our cancer journey for you from beginning to end in painful detail. I’m not sure I could. The short version is that Amy was diagnosed with Cancer of Unknown Primary. This meant they could not identify through biopsy, scans, molecular classifier, or genetic sequencing, the origin of her cancer. This occurred in July of 2021. She underwent radiation and chemotherapy and responded well to treatment for nearly a year. In September of 2022 her disease began to progress rapidly and she passed from complications on October 24, 2022. If you feel that you want to know additional details, I would simply refer you to her CaringBridge site, which I have opened up to all viewers. It documents our cancer journey in more detail.
I have also decided that I will not be telling our story in chronological order for a simple reason. I am undertaking this blog/vlog in large part as a therapeutic exercise. Many of these posts will be reflections from either my hiking or shared memories with family and friends. Some reflections may come from other family members who may choose to share their thoughts from time to time.
It is difficult to paint a picture of a person’s life and loss without telling stories that at times will make you laugh, cry or sometimes, both. Some short background may help with context, however.
Amy and I were married on December 30, 1989 exactly one year after our engagement. We became engaged after knowing each other for only five months of a long-distance relationship and were happily married for the next 32 years. Amy and I have been blessed with three wonderful children, Claire, our daughter, and our identical twin sons, Morgan and Carson. Our lives have been filled with challenges and triumphs. I will be sharing many of these with you in the coming months.
The most important thing to know is that Amy is, and will always be, the Love of my Life. Cancer has deprived me of her and the future we had planned. I am broken beyond what any words can express. I have many family and friends to support me, but this Blog/Vlog documents my grief journey in search of healing…
This site is mine and mine alone. I will not tolerate trolls of any kind in the comment sections and will block negative comments and abusive individuals. Denigrating medical professionals will also not be tolerated on this site. Our health care system is far from perfect, but I have found the vast majority of health care workers to be competent and possessing a degree of empathy to be admired and emulated.
Mark, my heart aches for your profound loss of the love of your life, and I think this journey is the sweetest expression of your grief and a wonderful way to promote joy in life.