Listen to this reflection by playing the video below or continue down the page to read the full text version.
December has always been a very busy month for our family. Amy’s birthday, Morgan and Carson’s birthdays, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and of course our anniversary all fall within the month of December. As a husband, I often struggle with December trying to make each of these dates special. Fortunately, Amy would always drop some not so subtle hints for me so I wouldn’t embarrass myself like I often did the first few years of our marriage.
Last night, our family celebrated Amy’s birthday for the first time without her. It was hard. We of course went out for Mexican food. At our dinner, Amy’s sister Mary, asked each of us present to remember one of the sillier Amy moments. It was nice to smile and laugh as we each recalled our special moments and forget for a moment our grief.
Later alone, I cried and ached to just hold her hand one more time. As my sadness set in, I recalled one particularly difficult December where Amy demonstrated for all that knew her how her positivity just could not be contained.
In the fall of 2016. Amy had been growing increasingly frustrated by a gradual but steady weight gain. As a husband, no subject is more fraught with danger than commenting on your spouses’ weight, so the subject was never broached. When she brought up that it would be good for both of us to drop a few pounds and eat healthier, I thought it was a good opportunity to jump on the bandwagon to support her. In reality, I also had put on more than a few pounds from some really bad eating habits, especially at lunch.
After a couple of months, I had dropped a moderate amount of weight, but Amy had continued her gradual weight gain despite her efforts to eat healthier. She was very frustrated. It was also increasingly obvious in her physical discomfort and appearance.
We both began to worry in earnest that something serious was at work. We scheduled a doctor’s appointment for her on December 11th, just one day before her birthday. That morning, I went with her to the appointment for moral support.
Neither of us were surprised when the doctor was also concerned and ordered an MRI of her abdomen. Unfortunately, the available time slot was not for another couple of hours and I had a scheduled lunch meeting. She insisted I attend my meeting as the golden rule in sales is that once a prospect or customer agrees to a meeting, never cancel. Too often you will be unable to reschedule and an opportunity is lost.
That afternoon I had a knot in my stomach waiting to hear from her. I decided to drive home early so I could be there when she got home. As I pulled into the driveway, I realized that she was already home. I raced into the house and found her crying on the stairwell. The MRI had shown a 15 to 17 inch tumor in her abdomen. This particular doctor, lacking any sort of empathy, had merely referred her immediately to an oncologist and handed her a brochure on ovarian cancer before sending her on her way. It was the worst birthday ever.
The following week we met with the oncologist who had not only reviewed the MRI, but had also had the forethought to order blood work to check for cancer markers in advance of our appointment. She indicated that the tumor obviously would need to come out as soon as possible given its size and impact on the surrounding organs. She reassured us, however, that given the size of the tumor, the cancer marker should have been elevated significantly more than Amy’s level. Her gut was telling her this was benign. She did her best to reassure us that this was something that might have a very positive outcome.
That made the next two weeks bearable as we waited for the date of the surgery. All of the kids were in college making their way through finals, so we held off on sharing the news with them until they had returned home. Unfortunately, there was urgency to getting the tumor removed, so Amy’s surgery was scheduled on the only open time slot available, December 23rd, just one day before Christmas Eve.
The day arrived and we headed off to St. Luke’s Hospital in Milwaukee for the surgery.
To Be Continued . . . A New Nickname-Part 2
This site is mine and mine alone. I will not tolerate trolls of any kind in the comment sections and will block negative comments and abusive individuals. Denigrating medical professionals will also not be tolerated on this site. Our health care system is far from perfect, but I have found the vast majority of health care workers to be competent and possessing a degree of empathy to be admired and emulated.
You make the story so relatable. Looking forward to hearing the new nickname…
As I reflect on Amy’s story I’m reminded that I need to stay connected to the “moment”! So many of our life events pass us by without realizing their significance! Live joyfully in the present and know that everyday is special…thanks Amy!