A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to visit my college roommate and his wife (Craig and Jan) during a visit to Minnesota. It is always great to get caught up with them and their busy lives. They are enjoying retirement and finding great joy in caring for their grandchildren.
They have also been taking time to travel the last couple of years and have visited many places that are on my bucket list. Their approach is almost the polar opposite of the approach Amy and I often took. They claim to have a destination in mind but make no definitive plans. No hotel reservations, no itinerary, no specific landmarks they want to visit. They get in the car and go, winging it.
To date, he says they have never been stranded or left to travel an extra 50 miles to find a hotel room. Spontaneity works perfectly for them, and they feel no stress about either making plans or meeting expectations.
I contemplated their approach to retirement. I thought to myself that the most important and meaningful moments of my life with Amy often were unplanned or impulsive. From going all-in and proposing to Amy after only knowing her five months to the blessing of having twin boys (one more than our plans called for), those impulsive and unexpected events enriched our lives. I could not imagine a life without these blessings and the joy these events brought to our life.
Later in that same visit, I had dinner with my brother, and he asked me, “How are you doing with Amy’s loss?” A surprisingly frank and abrupt question from my typically reserved brother.
I shared with him my thoughts that I needed to make a change. That I felt stuck in my grief. That I wasn’t making any progress in figuring out what I wanted to do with my new life. I was contemplating making a drastic change to get me moving forward. His response made an instant impression.
“You know, you don’t have to figure it all out before you start.” He said. “You can figure it out on the way.”
My mind reeled. I had never considered that. I was looking for the perfect solution. I was waiting for an epiphany or revelation to help me envision a new future. A revelation that might never come. Chuck was saying that I could always change my mind or even start over.
Instead of waiting for me to figure it all out, I could just embrace the unknown.
I just need to pick a direction, any direction, and take that first step. I am such an idiot.
This site is mine and mine alone. I will not tolerate trolls of any kind in the comment sections and will block negative comments and abusive individuals. Denigrating medical professionals will also not be tolerated on this site. Our health care system is far from perfect, but I have found the vast majority of health care workers to be competent and possessing a degree of empathy to be admired and emulated.