GSENM-Escalante

Listen to this reflection by playing the video below or continue down the page to read the full text version.

GSENM: Part 4 of 4

That night, we had a leisurely dinner in our camp on the banks of a nearly dry Mamie Creek bed. Everyone was very relaxed as we talked about the day’s hike and the plan for our final trek to Escalante the next day.

Patrick outlined the plan for the morning. It would be the longest stretch of trail (approximately 7 miles) with numerous ascents and descents. We would need to be on trail between 6:00 and 6:30 in the morning, meaning we would be starting the day hiking in the dark. He indicated that everyone should be up with their coffee and start to break camp by 5:30. They would have breakfast ready for us, but we would need to stay on task to make our goal of being in Escalante for lunch followed by the drive back to Las Vegas.

As darkness descended, a bright moon lit up the surrounding hills. Dan was nice enough to show me the nighttime feature on my Google Pixel 7 Pro. I began to experiment with it as the stars began to come out. He told me to set my phone right outside my tent and that anytime I woke up, I should just reach out of the tent and take a picture. The exposure default was set for 4 minutes. The moon was so bright that I would have to wait until it set to get the full star filled sky, but even with the additional light from the moon it took some awesome pictures.

That night, I was very restless and found it difficult to sleep. I managed to take several photos but tossed and turned most of the night. Around 5.00 AM, I just gave up and got up. I walked down the trail to get away from camp and experimented with my camera. I was fortunate to catch a few meteors streaking across the sky (see the vlog for some of the pictures and videos). Patrick and Dan were up and moving to cook breakfast and warm water for coffee.

I began to break down my tent and pack my backpack. After breakfast, I offered to help others break camp, but everyone seemed to be on task. We hit the trail on time and began our ascent in the dark. Headlamps gave us light during the early part of our journey, but the sun began to light up the surrounding hills and we soon put them away. We paused at the top of our ascent about 45 minutes later to watch the sunrise.

After about 10 minutes we were back on the trail and Patrick set a steady pace as we made our way toward Escalante. On one of the water breaks, he indicated we had one long ascent remaining before we descended toward the trailhead and our van. We followed the now familiar cairns up a long hill of predominantly slickrock and again passed under the old telegraph line. After another water break toward the top of the hill, we continued on and were finally rewarded with a view of Escalante in the distance. Our descent would be slow and methodical as we wound our way down into the valley and through another canyon along Pine Creek.

After walking over 1,300 miles by the conclusion of this trip, my body was holding up fairly well. My only complaint was that the muscle strain that had been acting up my last month of training was sending regular stabs of pain down my back as the 40 pound backpack began to take its toll.

I felt emotional as the city of Escalante came into view, but surprisingly, the closer we got to the van the more numb I began to feel. My 11-month journey to this place was concluding and I was not feeling the big culmination of emotions I had expected.

We reached the van and offloaded our backpacks. There was a little confusion surrounding our rendezvous with Kathy who had been staying at a local hotel and had hiked up the trail to meet us. Somehow, we had missed each other on the trail. While Patrick went off to search for her, the rest of us began to sort through our gear and load the trailer.

That completed, I was able to communicate with family and friends through my satellite communicator that I had completed my hike. As I sat in the van waiting for Kathy and Patrick to return, I received return texts from the kids. When I read them, I broke down. They expressed how proud they were of me for training and taking this trip. They admired me for finding a way to deal with my grief after losing their mother and the Love of my Life.

I had to walk away from the van as I was overwhelmed by emotion. I felt that through this journey I had somehow shown Claire, Morgan, and Carson that we can grieve and yet still move forward while holding her in our hearts forever. In that moment, I could feel Amy with me. I thought I heard her whisper, “Well done, Love.”

Kathy and Patrick soon returned, and we headed into town for some well-deserved pizza and beer. Later, on the drive back to Las Vegas, I stared out the window feeling more and more confident with every mile that this journey had been worth the toil, training, and emotional hardship I had endured. I know Amy would have been proud of me.  As we neared Las Vegas, I kept rolling around in my head a line from one of my all-time favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption. Morgan had texted it to me just a few hours earlier.

“Get busy living or get busy dying. That’s God Damn right.”

Amy is and will always be the Love of my Life. I know I still have a long way to go on this grief journey, but it’s time to start planning my next adventure. I have some preliminary ideas (under the go big or go home category), but I need to complete an honest self-assessment of my physical capabilities before I commit.

To everyone that reads this blog/vlog, I want to thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you. I will continue to write and post to the blog. It remains cathartic. It brings me joy and a degree of healing to share my memories and thoughts with others.

Please Choose and Spread Joy every single day. Cheers.